The one discussion which happily married, newly married and old married couples never anticipate taking place is the one around the Dreaded D-Word – Divorce.W e all know that life is full of surprises, not all of them particularly awful. But suddenly, there it is – the ugly truth that whatever the circumstances, divorce is on the horizon.
There are many ways of dealing with divorce:
- You can consult a lawyer. Often this is the first step, and not necessarily a bad one.
- You can consult a religious leader.
- You can chat to a friend who is a divorcee.
- You can talk to your financial advisor.
- You can chat to your therapist – psychologist or psychiatrist.
- You consult your poison of choice (bottle of wine or a box of chocolates)
So, what is the sensible way to deal with this situation?
For each one of us the route to the final signing of the divorce papers is going to differ. Some of the ways will cost us a lot of money, and the pity of it is that we are so focussed on the minutiae of the resentments, regrets, anger, and guilt that we are unable to sit down and focus on what we need to get on with the rest of our lives.
Some practical aspects you may want to consider:
- Have coffee together in a quiet environment you have never met in before. A hotel lounge, a table at a quiet restaurant with a beautiful view.
- Do not raise for discussion the cause for the divorce.
- Focus on what you hope to achieve for both of you after the divorce.
- Be civil – remember, once upon a time you were in love and very civil to each other.
- Discuss the fact that by coming to an agreement regarding the assets you share, you save yourselves a lot of money which otherwise goes to the lawyers and advocates.
- Be honest. That investment which you did in your own name with hidden money is part of this agreement, not separate from it.
- Even if it kills you, tell your soon to be ex-spouse that you trust him or her to be honest for both your sakes [and for the children’s sake in most cases].
- Have a draft agreement in mind and in writing which you can give each other, listing honestly your assets and how they will be divided.
- Be fair. As much as you want to smash everything and everyone in front of you, only you will feel better, and that for a few seconds only.
- Be firm and polite.
- Be the adult.
- For the agreement, use the same attorney to draw up the divorce agreement [do not be persuaded by smooth talk to do anything else which results in advocates and courts…….] and to transfer property into your name.
- Offer to pay half the costs based on a fair and equally divided estate, even if it makes you sick.
- Do not be taken for a ride by someone you sense you can no longer trust.
- If you sense this, walk away, and see the most expensive attorney and advocate.
Your Will
Most importantly, after the divorce re-do your will immediately. Or redo it before the divorce. You may not be aware of it, but the Wills Act (No 7 of 1953) says that divorce is treated as if you have died on the day your divorce goes through. This means that there is no benefit from your ex-spouse’s will if he or she should die, which will now come to you. This aspect is valid for three months after the divorce in terms of the Act. A new will must be drawn up, and it is particularly important if you and your ex-spouse intend any children to continue to benefit under your estate at your death.
After the divorce, even if your intention is for your ex-spouse to inherit, he/she would not inherit if you die within three months of the date of the divorce. However, after the 3-month grace period, the Will is taken as it stands.
As financial advisors, we face many difficult discussions with our clients, and it is our privilege to do so. Have that discussion with us if divorce is something you are contemplating. We are not counsellors, but we hope to be instrumental in persuading you to pursue the most rational and sensible choice for you.
