By the time you have decided that you are getting Divorced, counselling and distressed calls from your family and friends will inevitably harden your resolve and not help with changing your mind. A pity we think, because marriage is a wonderful, exciting, frustrating, tough journey and – we believe – a permanent commitment.
Having said that, when Divorce happens, the emotional hurt, fury and frustration leads one to making decisions which one would not make if one was being rational and objective. The fact that one of the parties in a Divorce usually is less emotional can lead to manipulation, intimidation, browbeating and friction to the extent that the decisions one needs to make rationally, are not made in the best interests of
The aspects of Divorce we observe as financial advisors are directly related to how you and your partner conduct your marriage. When talking about a cardinal aspect such as respect, one realises that it stretches further than how you talk to each other. Marriage also includes loving, courtesies, liking, integrity, faithfulness, commitment, openness and loyalty.
All this unfortunately flies out the door when Divorce rears its very ugly head. We have to say that it often would seem that one of the parties in a marriage plans long before the word Divorce appears in conversation for the event, thus leaving the other party defenceless, vulnerable and exposed to manipulation.
So you have decided between you that Divorce is the only option. What is the next step?
- Immediately talk to your financial advisor. Generally we have a very good idea of how your spouse [soon to be ex….] can “hide” money from you.
- Do a detailed analysis of your financial budget, but also understand how Divorce influences your retirement and long term financial planning. Ask us to help you – it is difficult to think clearly when you are just plain furious, hurt and crying non-stop.
- Make sure you understand the financial commitments you take on after Divorce. And a word of caution here – no one, when marrying a loved one, plans for Divorce. But you are better prepared should it become a horrible reality in your life if you are both involved in the household’s monthly budget from day one. Leaving your beloved to pay all the accounts; enter the electricity units in the meter; pay the levies and rates accounts; put oil in the cars and pay towards savings is a major problem in the very unlikely event that you decide to Divorce each other. Using your spouse’s credit card with no conception of a budget or what the household income is or what products you are both contributing to for retirement, is not responsible living.
- Before rushing to the first lawyer your best friend recommends to you, consider the costs of involving a lawyer who must now negotiate on your behalf.
- Make sure that your lawyer is knowledgeable about the products you both invest in.
- Ensure that you stay in touch with your financial advisor as the process of discussion regarding future financial commitments take place. It is vital that, when children are involved, you both understand the cost of living expenses and education.
- DO NOT SIGN any Divorce Agreement until your financial advisor has read it through with you.
- If there are Retirement Annuities, Preservation Funds, Pension and Provident funds involved, DO NOT SIGN the Divorce Agreement until your financial advisor has checked the wording.
Marriage is difficult, but working at it in so many magic ways, guarantees you a journey which at the end of your life, has made it all worthwhile.
